Megan Jackson Hall’s memoir My Colour-Coded Life, about living with schizoaffective disorder

Megan Jackson Hall is a retired Catholic school teacher who possesses a graduate degree in Curriculum and Technology from the University of Phoenix. She has suffered with a mental health illness for twenty years. She was first diagnosed as schizophrenic in 2005, but later had her diagnosis adjusted to schizoaffective disorder, which marries symptoms of a mood disorder with those of schizophrenia.

She lives alone in British Columbia and has two beautiful daughters.

Here’s an interview with Hall about her new book My Colour-Coded Life:

What role does colour play in the book, and how did you come up with the title?

Colour is a major part of the book. I attributed a colour to different family members who wanted me to attribute an imagined amount of money to different things. These colours were created from different colours of furniture we had. Black and White represented my husband’s character. Green is my dad taking action against George. I believed my ex-husband was into illegal activities.

Yellow represents my daughter Darcy who wanted me to spend money on having my songs recorded. Jessica is red and wanted me to put cash towards a charity, but I did not want to give all the imagined money away. Blue represents my mother wanting me to invest in my dream of creating a free online school educating everyone from children to doctoral students. I did not want to choose so I created purple to represent God. I believe if I put my faith in Him He would not make me have to choose.

Darcy knew about my colours and helped me come up with the name of the book. Colour still affects me and every time I see a colour the attached name echoes in my head.

Was it a relief to have the diagnosis?

Since at the time I was diagnosed I was actually seeking help to take action against my abusive ex-husband, it was not a relief to be diagnosed. Being diagnosed with mental illness made me feel as if no one were taking my complaints and issues seriously.

Does it ever feel like a label, as if people have trouble seeing you as a person beyond the schizoaffective diagnosis?

The only individual who made me out to just be my illness is my ex-husband. Any time I disagreed with him or thought differently he would say it was because of my mental illness.

What advice would you give to others hoping to live a normal life with a serious mental illness?

The doctors are there to help but talking with them is key. Ensure you have someone in the medical field who will listen to you. All the medication will not help if you cannot express yourself. Own your illness, do not let it own you. Know your body because some medications cause side-effects and it is important that you become aware if you are being affected. Do not stop cold turkey with taking your medication, it is there to help and be honest with your psychiatrist. Also, try to have a family member (s) you trust come with you and be a part of your meetings with your doctor.

What exactly is schizoaffective disorder? How is it different from schizophrenia?

Schizoaffective Disorder encompasses some attributes of schizophrenia, like hallucinations and delusions, and some aspects of a mood disorder, such as depression or mania. For me, I have delusions and would cry unnecessarily so I suppose that is why they added the mood disorder to my diagnosis.

Why did you decide to write this book?

There are two reasons why I wrote this book. When I first was diagnosed I went to the bookstore and could not find books on my illness so I thought maybe I could break ground and help others. More importantly, though I needed help with my marriage and felt talking about it wasn’t helping. So I thought writing this book would help me reach someone who would take me seriously. For I feel strongly that my former marriage worsened my illness.

Where are you now with your mental health?

I was diagnosed in 2005 and am now immune to the medication. I am quite aware that I have delusions which I prefer to call “beliefs.” I believe that I have come a long way since I was diagnosed with my illness and not able to cope. For most of this journey, I have been alone, but now my daughters are a big help. Even my estranged daughter is a huge part of my health team.

What do you think helped you the most?

Once I found music and could listen to it, I never let go. It was my art therapy and still is. The music with the lyrics had to mesh with my head. The lyrics helped me cope, especially those that were inspirational and those who expressed anger towards an ex-partner, echoing emotions I had trouble expressing in words.

Megan Jackson Hall’s My Colour-Coded Life is available here from her publisher, Friesen Press.